


hey there, demons... it's me, ya boi

by tmo



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Comedy, Discord: Umino Hours, Inspired by Buzzfeed Unsolved, M/M, Supernatural Elements, Umino Hours Discord Server 90 Minutes To Gift Exchange
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:15:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27330334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tmo/pseuds/tmo
Summary: Ghost hunting? In a mine?More likely than you think.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka
Comments: 7
Kudos: 39
Collections: 90 Mins To Gift - Halloween Edition





	hey there, demons... it's me, ya boi

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sugarless_GiRL](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sugarless_GiRL/gifts).



> Hey Nova! Hope you don't mind that I took the idea of a Buzzfeed Unsolved AU and ran with it! I adore Ryan and Shane so I hope you don't mind if I was more inspired by the supernatural instead of slashers.  
> It was either this or a Friday the 13th-style slasher with some blips of comedy!  
> 💖💖💖

"Is that a bat?" Iruka asks, his voice echoing into the dark mine around them. Naruto whips the camera up to the ceiling where a tuff of black fur pokes it head out.

Ino gasps from the other side of the room as the camera gets closer to the bat. "Naruto. Oh, god, it is a bat. Don't touch it. NARUTO!"

Ino screeches with the bat as Naruto swears and almost drops the camera, his cackles echoing even as Ino scolds him.

The camera cuts to Kakashi grinning in the middle of the room. "It's gone now. Better batten down the hatches."

From where he's crouched in the background, Iruka looks up at the camera and says with the straightest face, "I'm single now."

* * *

**"Welcome to the Suna County Mine. A hundred years ago today, this gold mine was alive and bustling with workers from the nearby towns. What they didn’t expect to find was the corpse of a man trapped in a cave that had collapsed. A year later, the mine would be completely abandoned.”**

* * *

“You know, Iruka, I’m always astounded that ghosts have the power to stop capitalism in its tracks,” Kakashi notes from his chair and Iruka smirks at him. 

“Ghosts rule the world, Kakashi.”

“So, you could say that spirits are the highest form of currency.” 

“Ah, yes, good sir. I’ll take a whiskey on the rocks.”

“That’ll be five ghoulies, my good man,” Kakashi jokes and Naruto chuckles from behind the camera.

* * *

**“As I was saying, the body was of Hashirama Senju, the owner of a nearby coal mine who had gone missing three years prior. It was suspected that Hashirama had been kidnapped by a gang of criminals called the Red Eyed Buckaroos who had tried to ransom him for money. How Hashirama died is a mystery but the Red Eyed Buckaroos disappeared not long after his death.”**

* * *

“Every time you do this, literally nothing happens,” Ino notes as she fixes Iruka’s mic while Kakashi wanders over to the split in the tunnel they’d paused in.

“Hey, I'm trying my best here,” Iruka mutters to his mic.

Ino shrugs back. “I see that and I appreciate that but even I can tell you don't put your heart into this and honestly, the ghosts prob don't like your bad vibes.”

“You mean they can tell I don't want them here?”

“Yes.”

“Because I'm explicitly saying it a million different ways?”

“Especially yes.”

“Good.” Iruka whips around to Kakashi. “I wish you listened like the ghosts did.”

“You know, I think the ghosts can hear you being rude and they don’t want to be in my shoes.”

“I am not that rude to you.”

“Well, the ghosts obviously don’t think that,” Kakashi says just before a sound echoes from the hall behind them like the screeching of metal and he eats his words. “I take that back. You are being understandably stern.”

“Good, because I don’t want to whoop a ghost’s ass,” Iruka shoots back as he grips Kakashi’s shirt.

Naruto, with a nervous scoff, glances down the hall and urges them forward. “Does your sandal work on ghosts too?”

“They especially work on ghosts, how do you think they became ghosts?”

* * *

**“When Hashirama’s body was first discovered, the mine had been full of workers who had been perfectly healthy when they first entered that day. Once his body was uncovered, three of the workers collapsed and had to be taken to the surface for medical attention but they never made it to the surface alive. Another dozen workers complained of chest pains in the mine and the shift was ended for the day. The body was taken for inspection but miners still complained of headaches, chest pains and blood dripping from their eyes. Workers would often pass out on the way down into the mines and it was only after a sixth death in a week that the mine closed completely due to supernatural phenomena. Apparitions have since been spotted roaming the cave Hashirama was found in and the sounds of heavy breathing can be heard all throughout the tunnels.”**

* * *

“Okay, but like, how often do you see a ghost?” Kakashi skeptically asks and Iruka immediately takes the opportunity.

“Every time I look in the mirror and his name is Regret.” 

Kakashi looks at the camera. “Regret is pretty hot in the mornings, not gonna lie”

With his cheeks burning, Iruka rolls his eyes and they follow Kakashi’s lazy strides down further into the mines as he tries to explain, “These tunnels were closed off to the public until just a few years ago so I’m surprised the owners let us shoot here.”

“Yeah, thankfully. I mean, guess that’s why they made us sign those liability waivers and told us to not do anything stupid.” Kakashi stops in his tracks to look at Iruka who’s already looking at him expectantly. “So, we can’t be normal.”

“Exactly,” Iruka agrees and pointedly stares at Naruto who shrugs the camera. 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he says innocently back and Ino barks a laugh that echoes down the hall to all their surprise.

Around a metal chair, the team watches as Kakashi hovers over a flashlight and calls into the silence, “If the ghost of Hashirama can hear me, can you turn on this flashlight for me?”

They all wait a moment but nothing happens and Kakashi shifts to ask, “Are there any deceased workers still around? I’d like to maybe have a chat.”

“Maybe you should say it in a way they’d understand,” Iruka suggests and Kakashi puts on a southern accent.

“Well, howdy, partners,” He drawls out as the crew chuckles. “Are there are spirits in this here mine? Awaiting to prey upon our souls?”

“Wait prey?” Iruka asks but the light suddenly turns on and they all gasp, Iruka quickly backing into the corner with a nervous grin while Kakashi peers at the light.

“Well, guess they want our souls,” Kakashi says casually and looks expectantly at Iruka who vehemently shakes his head.

“Tell them my soul isn’t for sale.”

“What? And disappoint them?”

“Fine. Give them your soul then.”

Kakashi scoffs. “What soul?”

“Spirits, if you want his soul, turn off the light,” Iruka calls in defiance and the light immediately goes off to everyone’s surprise.

“Oh, no,” Kakashi gasps. “I’m tasty.”

Naruto butts in, “Holy shit, the hairs on my ass cheeks are standing up.”

“Wow, I really didn't need to know that,” Ino whines and starts picking up their things. “How about we move on now before I lose my shit?”

“Yes, please,” Iruka agrees as they hurry out of the cave first with Naruto bringing up the rear, filming them travel through the tunnels.

* * *

Their footsteps echo down the halls and Iruka nervously looks back at his boyfriend and their camera. “You guys okay?”

“I’m fine,” Kakashi shrugs to no one’s surprise and Naruto shoots out a thumbs up from behind the camera.

“I’m good. Getting some great B-roll. Maybe we can stop at the next bend and I can get some static shots. Then we can get another few shots with the spirit box.”

Iruka groans but Kakashi rubs his shoulder soothingly and Iruka takes his hand for a minute of affection that they’d normally leave out of the final cut.

At the next junction, Naruto sets up the tripod for the camera to record a bit on its own and as Iruka and Kakashi step in, Iruka asks, “Where’s Ino?”

“Ino?” Kakashi calls but Naruto is already wandering around the room.

“Probably ran to grab something from the car.” He shrugs simply and gasps, bending down to pick up something on the ground, “Look! Gold!”

Kakashi saunters up and plucks the pebble of gold from him. “That's fool's gold. See? It's got your name on it.”

“Only if my name is spelled: K A K A S H I.” Naruto sticks out his tongue and Iruka starts to get out their spirit box.

As the spirit box scrolls through frequencies, Iruka notes, “I’m surprised it even gets a signal down here.”

“Maybe that’s why we’re not getting anything good,” Kakashi notes as the sound of just static after static. “Maybe they need some provoking.”

“Kakashi, don’t-”

“DEMON? “

“It's not a demon. It's a ghost.”

“DEMONS. Come out and fight me, you pansies.”

**_Ake… Me_ **

“Oh my god, it did not just say that,” Iruka snaps, backing away from the box.

“Say what?”

“It sounded like it said ‘make me’, right?” Iruka asks Naruto but he shrugs, already looking at the exit.

“Where in the world is Ino?” Naruto asks and Kakashi moves to the start of the exit tunnel.

Iruka shakes his head, “Oh, no, you better be fucking with me.”

“Ah, I found her,” Kakashi calls.

“Really?”

“No, I just wanted to make you feel better.”

“Aw.” Iruka pauses. “Oh.”

Naruto fake gags. “Gross. You keep going. I'm going to go find her”

As he runs off past Kakashi who doesn’t stop him, Iruka calls into the dark. “Wait, Naruto! Don't…. Shit… Why do I even bother trying…”

“Should we keep going?” Kakashi asks just before they hear a blood-curdling scream. It came from the tunnel Naruto had run up not a minute before.

Iruka freezes and looks at Kakashi before bolting up the tunnel. Kakashi swears, snatches their very expensive camera and runs after him. “Wait! Iruka! No running in the mines!”

He comes out to the last junction of tunnels to find Iruka standing in the middle of the room, glancing between the different halls. “Naruto!”

“I need a captain for my ship because I'm so out of it,” Kakashi mutters as he bends over, panting from the run.

“Naruto!” Iruka calls but there isn’t an answer.

Kakashi joins him, “Naruto!”

A loud clang echoes from the tunnel they just came from and Iruka jumps, grabbing Kakashi’s shoulder with a yelp.

“Haha very funny…. where are the cameras,” Kakashi jokes before nervously chuckling and glancing at the one in his hand. “Oh, there is it.”

“Are you not scared right now?” Iruka demands.

“Yes. Terribly. But I hide it behind my wit and humour.”

“You must be terrified then.”

“Oh, thank you, that's so sweet.”

Another scream echoes from the way they came and the normally calm Kakashi yelps this time, Iruka whimpering with him, “AAHHH! NO! Nonono, no, no, no, this isn't real, this isn't real.”

“Oh no... We gotta get out of here.”

“Yeah… Oh god… The next time Anko suggests a place, we turn it down.”

“Right away,” Kakashi agrees and they scramble to back out of the mine. 

Before they can properly get out of the room, a shuffling noise starts to echo from one of the openings. It hisses and scratches, slow and careful as Kakashi clutches Iruka’s shoulder tighter with every second. They still couldn’t see it but the source kept getting closer and closer and closer.

Until a skeletal hand gripped the edge and a decaying, withering face appears out of the dark.

Kakashi doesn’t even yell. He just sprints out.

As Kakashi runs off into the night, Iruka doubles over laughing as Naruto and Ino pop out from the other tunnels, Naruto taking off his mask as they gasp in laughter.

“He ran! He literally ran and left you here!” Ino screeched through her snorts and Iruka can’t even reply. He’s too busy trying to breathe at the sight of his normally collected boyfriend and cohost running away in fear.

Their laughter stops dead when a very different scream echoed to their ears and they pause. 

“You… You didn’t leave a speaker down there, did you?” Ino asks Naruto as they slowly edge towards Iruka who is already reaching for the camera Kakashi had dropped.

“No. I didn’t bring a speaker,” Naruto hisses.

“Oh, you can really get high up there, can’t you?” 

Iruka snaps, “Ino, I love your sass but now is really not the time.”

That is about when the voices start to whisper around them.

“Maybe Kakashi had the right idea,” Ino whimpers and that is when their flashlights flicker.

“Kakashi!” Iruka calls, shooting up the path as the two teenagers left behind yelp and struggle after him.

* * *

The car is quiet as they drive back.

In the back seat, Naruto clutches the camera and Ino is too shell-shocked to sort through their tangled cables.

Iruka and Kakashi are just staring out the windshield, completely mute until Kakashi mutters, “You could’ve used your sandal on it.”

"No. No, I couldn't."

"It works on me."

"Is that what happens? Because I distinctly recall you continuing. Regardless of the sandal hitting."

"Hey, it's the spirit that counts."

Iruka reaches across to hold his goofy boyfriend's hand.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope this was okay! I've never done a 90 minutes to gift before so it was hard to cram things in!💖  
> Happy post-Halloweenie!


End file.
